My Story:

My name is Kitty, I am 24 from London and have suffered with anxiety since I could remember.

My anxiety has its peaks and its troughs. Highs and lows that people don’t necessarily see. 

I suffer from Emetophobia, which subsequently has manifested into multiple anxiety based conditions such as social anxiety, PTSD, claustrophobia and depression. For a long time i felt as if i was cruising through the anxiety, taking it by the horns and telling it to F**K OFF. However in the past few years my anxiety became unmanageable, causing failed relationships, unsuccessful career choices and general bad habits to say the least.

For those who I didn’t tell, my life probably seemed as if it was running smoothly and for those living with anxiety it seems this way. Wearing a mask at all times to hide away from exposing the s**t show you find yourself in.

I refused to speak to the many and chose only the few to understand why I felt the way I did. I spoke to multiple therapists, tried out the medication, did the yoga, went on the walks and yet nothing seemed to work. I found myself thinking ‘well is that it then? When shall I accept that this is what life is going to be like’. I sometimes still feel that way, however I refuse to accept that anxiety is a curse.

It’s a strength, a strength humans have carried for centuries to stop us from entering into harmful situations. Rather than fearing the anxiety and thinking of it as your enemy, I choose to think of it as my helpful friend. A friend of which enters not at the best of times. I try to talk to my friend anxiety and say “thank you for helping, but i think i can do this alone”. Does it work? Not always, but that’s life.

A quote a friend said to me was “Keep moving forward”. I recognised this familiar phrase. “Where is that from?” I asked. I was told it was from the film Meet the Robinsons. Reminiscing back on that amazing film (subjective), I remembered that they all congratulated their failures. 

The point I’m trying to make is that through all the unsuccessful therapies, treatments and medications I felt extremely deflated that nothing would work. But in actuality, if I embrace this quote I can now see what worked and what didn’t and be happy that I was onto the next chapter of my healing journey. We all make mistakes in life, go down paths that weren’t meant for us or didn’t serve us well. Instead of dwelling on the fact we made those choices, we have an opportunity to look forward to the next. To try and put a positive spin on something we did not choose to have ourselves.

As I write this, I am in bed watching Game of Thrones, for the 10th time, having spent the week feeling deflated and lonely. It’s not pity I expect, but rather relatability that life isnt always glamorous and that there are those who simply need to take a break from living the high life. 

Through my experiences I will be sharing the sage advice I have received thus far, the methods I would like to try and the stories that gave me strength and courage to speak aloud.

If you are suffering, reach out, create the discussions and remember there are brighter days ahead.

If you urgently need help please:

Call: 116 123

Text SHOUT to 85258 

Or visit the website: https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=onebox